Now, after exactly one week back in Brussels I feel I’m ready to regain my blog strength! It’s hard to break the silence after a long time of… silence. Like starting a letter to a old friend you haven’t been in touch with for a long time. It takes a little extra effort. Once you do, if starts to flow. Now after a week I think I have almost recovered. I feel a bit more in shape on my own two feet. Doing what I do best: organizing, planning, thinking ahead. Discovering… everything there is to discover. In Brussels, in my pretty flat, in a small café, in book, or in a good conversation.
Few days ago I attempt to reach this state as well… but failed miserably. Started to write this entry below and ended up in tears. First twinge of homesickness, a rather new sensation to me. Rather like this (below).
It’s rather hard to come back on this blog and start writing again. It’s like picking up where I left. Except the “now” isn’t the same and the “then”. Coming back to Brussels after spending three weeks in China has been quite an ordeal. Never had I felt so homesick in my whole life. After being surrounded 24/7 by relatives, screaming, laughing, eating, it feels terrible to be alone. I wasn’t used to the intense family life, but now I’m not used to being without it. Of course this shall change with time, but for now I feel heartbroking. Haven’t felt this sad in a long time.
I was feeling very grounded in Europe before I left for China. I had my life here. I almost felt European, and this Erasmus experience had deepened that sentiment. I landed in China feeling so alien. I didn’t belong there. Now I’m not sure. I’m European in every sense of culture, but in terms of family I’m Chinese. That’s what today’s globalization does to us poor kids. We’re growing up in the world that’s becoming smaller, but with distances between people growing bigger. I have been learning to cope with coming and going. Trying to not miss people too much, trying to not get hurt. But I’ll never learn. Everytime I say goodbye, a part of me will always die a little bit. That’s just how it is.
